April 9, 2023

Faith means believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse.

Disappointment with God, Philip Yancey

If you understand that we are only passengers through this land called earth and headed to a destination that is really our home, then you can grapple with suffering and hardship and surrender to the greater plan of the Master. Oh, I understand that some of you might say, that is a fairy tale mentality, Deedra. With the utmost kindness, I would refute, “When have you ever known me to have my head in the clouds?”

I have suffered enough to know that God is real. He was with me as an abused child. He was alongside me as a spiritually-manipulated teen. He was beside me through all my miscarriages as I longed to be a mother. The list could go on, but I think you get the point. God is not a mystical character in the sky. He is a loving and ever-patient Father who walks with us and waits for us to recognize He has been there the whole time.

Make no mistake-God was with Tobias at the beginning and He was with Tobias at the end. Tobias’ life has a purpose far beyond what any of us can imagine. It only makes sense in reverse. Some of you may understand this better in practical terms: Hindsight is 20/20. Just imagine if you could add the spiritual world to that! Your vision would be perfect!

Tobias Memorial Service

My family honored my life. Do you get the gravity of that? I had a family! A family who loved me, and not because I was perfect, not because I was cute (but, c’mon, did you see my cheeks?), not because my rescue in the bush was extraordinary. They loved me because I was created in the image of God. All of us are a reflection of Him, the Creator of the universe, whether we recognize it or not. Some of us just let the world and all it entails take over the image that was stamped on our heart. It was a seal that was intended to never be broken.

I am not a doll. I am a person. I was created in the image of God. I am and will always be a child of God.

March 31, 2023

The flight from Nairobi to London was longer than usual. I can never sleep on the flights, and that night was no different. All I could do is pray. Pray for Tobias to be healed. Pray for Phyllis and Dorothy to know that they are competent as our medical personnel. Pray for Mama Irene as she transported Toby to the nearest facility. Pray for my ministry partner, Fred, as we had just had a full week of ministry and had a list that still needed conquered.

As soon as the plane landed at Heathrow, I didn’t wait for the announcement; I turned on my phone with great expectation for a good report. This is what I read:

My heart sunk in my chest. The ‘bush baby’ who had defied so many odds couldn’t defeat malaria. MALARIA! I was angry that this disease is still ravaging lives across the world. I was disappointed that I didn’t pray for him at the clinic when he arrived with the others. I took for granted that he would beat it just like the others. I took for granted life! I was concerned for those traveling with me who had bonded with him during our trip. Yet, I was confident in a God that knows all and sees all. The Sovereign God whom I serve.

Since Tobias was an orphan and under our care, an autopsy needed to be done. It was confirmed that he passed away from malaria complications. The first death of child under Harvest of Hope Africa’s care. Tobias was a first! The first baby we rescued in the bush-literally! The first baby to appear so strong on the outside yet weak on the inside. The first baby for DSM’s blog. There has to be a reason for that. I never do anything without the Spirit’s prompting. The Tobias blog was started by the Holy Spirit’s nudging, who knew that I would be struggling to write as the tears ran down my face.

Again, I say to you, my God is Sovereign. Faith really does make THE difference!